Funny Pun – Number Two
70Funny Pun – Number Two
Leo the Lion
When Leo was young
Africa was his home.
He was king of the jungle
Wherever he did roam.
“Who’s the king of the jungle?”
To each animal he would call.
‘You are, oh mighty lion,
You’re the strongest of them all.’
Whether cheetah or monkey
Hippopotamus or donkey,
Every animal agreed
Leo was the king indeed.
One day Leo wandered afar.
He asked a huge bull elephant.
“Who’s the king of the jungle?”
The beast thought him irrelevant.
Leo persisted,
“Who is the king?”
The elephant resisted
And said nothing.
After the third query
The elephant looked peeved
Threw Leo against a tree
Stomped him and turned to leave.
Bruised and battered
Our hero arose
Flashed his middle finger
And yelled this prose,
"You didn’t have to stomp me so,
'cause you didn’t know the answer, bro."
After this episode
Leo stopped his rap,
His confidence eroded,
He fell into a trap.
Poachers captured him
To a circus he was sold.
There he would stay
Until he grew too old.
He now lived in a cage,
He learned to growl on cue
And roar with pretended rage
At me and you and you.
He longed for the freedom
That he had before
Though he enjoyed the shrieks
When he began to roar.
But time marched on,
He had problems with his teeth
Soon he had lost all those above
And then the rest beneath.
A toothless lion
Is not a celebrity
The circus found a buyer
A doctor of longevity.
He took pity on Leo
And brought him home as a pet.
Although Leo looked ferocious
Not to worry, not to sweat.
There was never any danger
Leo lay in front of the door.
He might growl at a stranger.
But he was Jungle King no more.
He’d sun bathe at the doorsill
Like a large shaggy doormat.
Stepping over him was an ordeal,
The doctor followed that format.
This scientist studied dolphins
He soon learned they thrived
And led long healthy lives
When they ate birds alive.
He believed with the right diet
No salt, no fats, no carbs ever
These porpoises he carefully fed
Would live and be well f o r e v e r.
Their latest diet was seagulls,
This food appeared to be working
But the press leaked the story
Soon danger was lurking.
One morning as Lionel was dozing
He opened up one eye.
Some strange men were there
Wearing badges spelled F. B. I.
The doctor answered the door,
With seagulls still in his hands.
“Who are you looking for?”
These men could ruin his plans.
By badges he wasn’t impressed.
“You,” said the Agent.
You are under arrest,”
“What is the charge?
“Mr. Agent-at-Large?”
The answer: “Transporting gulls over a staid lion for immortal porpoises.”
“The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability.” – Edgar Allan Poe
To me, there is no doubt . . . Edgar knew what he was talking about.
© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So" @Amazon.com
More Bad to Verse
- Old Age Benefits
It is said that as you get older, you get wiser. Have you heard that, too? The only wiser I get has a ‘Bud’ in front of it. But I have learned of multiple old age benefits over time, and will share them with you – in rhyme. - Funny Pun - Number One
Are puns the lowest form of humor? Who cares? I love them. Read about 'Stanley the Snail.' Didja know he was a hermaphrodite? - The Last Word
Three little macho mice sit drinking in a bar. Talking about daring and who’s the bravest by far. - Fear of Flying or Aerophobia
Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly. Not me. I have a fear of flying. It's called aerophobia.
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CommentsLoading...
This was so much fun to read. Thanks for making my day a little brighter.
This is like classic humour, I like it alot. Has to be shared!!
Well, you got to the punch line in the end. I liked this one because I didn't expect it at all!
Fun read!
drbj: What a clever nail-biter of a poem with a completely unexpected ending in which justice triumphs for Lionel!
Thank you, voted up, etc.,
Derdriu
P.S. EAP knew what he was talking about.
I didn't get my mail from Hubpages and i was feeling low, having to go into my account and find the Hubbers i follow, but this made me smile...No not smile..LOL.. I love Leo. This is so cute and witty. Your rhyming is so much fun to read..Thank you...
Haha This is so funny and witty, loved the pun
And this had me in fits "You didn’t have to stomp me so, 'cause you didn’t know the answer, bro."
Did you know a circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny
Thanks for another funny poem, with a very clever pun.
Welcome to my world, lavender. "Awesome, funny and witty?" You do know the right things to say. Delighted I was able to remind you how funny puns can be. Thanks for being the first to comment. Now take a look at Funny Pun - Number One.
Thank you, Susan, for finding this fun to read. 'Making your day a little brighter' makes my day brighter, too. Honest.
Hi, dennisfelix - welcome. Thanks for liking this a lot and do share, by all means. Like classic humor? You betcha!
Happy you were able to make it to the punchline at the end - that you didn't expect. And delighted, Paradise, that you liked this. The basis of most humor, I have discovered, is the unexpected. Would you agree?
Nice to meet you, Audrey. Thanks for finding this a fun read. Succinct but stimulating you are.
Hi, Derdriu. How wonderful that I can count on you to provide imaginative and gracious comments. What a great summary your description makes ... 'a clever nail-biter of a poem with a completely unexpected ending in which justice triumphs ... ' Thank you for the up ad the etc., too.
I agree, Edgar was prescient.
Hi, Ruby. Yes, HP seems to be having a few glitches these days - omitting notifications of emails and repeating comments up to 3 times. But I have faith they will get their act together.
I'm gratified, nay, delighted I made you smile and laugh. Thank you for the 'cute, witty and fun to read.' So are you m'luv, so are you. Leo sends his best.
Hi, Rosemary, Anyone who goes 'ha, ha" at my hubs is a Hubbuddy of mine. Thanks for loving this pun and the 'funny and witty.'
And you picked up on the ... 'didn't know the answer, bro' ... joke, too. You are perceptive, m'dear. Love your 'lion won't eat clowns' line - you know I'll find a way to use it. :)
Hi, christopher. Thanks for reading my 'funny poem with a very clever pun.' I knew you would appreciate puns, especially the groaningest ones.
This is a horrible thing you are doing. Making me read your punny poems. I am enjoying them immensely.
You crack me up drbj! So funny! At last a mind as strange as my own.
Oh, Becky, you are so punny, er, funny. Now that I have you under my spell, you will read the rest of my 132 hubs - some are groans, some are moans, some about thrones, one about phones, but never any clones. Thanks for the immense enjoyment. No charge, m'dear.
Ah, a soul mate. At last! Strange, eh? I prefer to think of it as a wild imagination. At least that's what I tell those people at the institution.
Thank you, my pet, love your new avatar.
This is truly so cute, I will buy it. You are so unique drbj, I wish I could see you walking and talking with my own eyes. I see you as an elephant, thinking: "Who the heck are you, dear lion, to call yourself the king of the jungle? Come closer let me put a pebble in your webble..."
Delighted you think this is cute, Martie. Thanks for the 'unique' comment. With regard to your comparison of me to a pachyderm, I'll have to ponder that one. Hope you were referring only to the exhibition of power and not appearance.
Although I am older than soil, I don't have that many wrinkles . . . yet! Love your 'pebble in your webble' remark. Now how can I use that?
Oh, brother! Are you sure that was legal?
Up and punny!
Hahaha...however do you think up these gems? :)
Oh, my friend, you do have a warped mind...just like me! lol. Very clever! voted up.
A brilliantly written poem. I don't how you do it? You are super.
Edgar Allan knew what he was talking about drbj. Nice one with a groan at the end.
Was it legal, Will? I dunno but it was, in your words, punny. Thanks for the visit and the up, pardner.
How do I think up these 'gems,' Feline? Easy! I just ponder a bit and say to myself, now how would Feline write about this and what would she say :)
We with the warped minds have to stick together, Holle. There is power in numbers. We just have to keep warping away. Thanks for the clever and the up, m'dear.
I don't know how I do it either, Hanna. Must be my warped mind, as Holle (habee) calls it. Thanks for the brilliantly written and the super. Funny, I was just going to say the same about you.
Thank you, John. I always feel vindicated for these really bad puns when I know there is a groan at the end. Edgar knew that, too.
I never doubted your talent in creating wonderful hub, start from interview, history, even for poem. This was one of the perfect poem you have. I give my vote to you and I'll press all buttons here, (useful, funny, awesome, beautiful, interesting). Have a good day. Cheers.....
Blessing and hugs, Prasetio
Boston FBI, huh?
Ok drbj I finally got your drift, but you left me hanging so long I almost fell off the cliff! snakeslane
A perfect poem, pras? You are much too kind, my friend. Thank you for pressing all those buttons. Makes my day, you know. Blessings and hugs to you, too, on the other side of the world.
Hi, Sheila - why did you think it was the Boston F.B.I.? I'm thinking Florida or California where porpoises are more plentiful. And there's also more sunshine for Leo to enjoy.
Yes, snakeslane, I did draw this one out for awhile. Hope you weren't too scared hanging off the cliff 'til I gave you my drift. Does add to the suspense, doncha think?
Drbj - I'm so glad I saw you published Pun Number 3 - I knew I missed number two! So glad I hunted it down....LOL. Like how he used the middle finger before his prose! Hahaha!
Btw - I hope your eye is getting better!
Doggone it drbj! Somebody got the punny first! Oh well, punny is funny but not as punny as this funny!
Hi, Kelly, Delighted you found number two, if you know what I mean. Clever girl, you caught the middle finger allusion.
Thanks for inquiring about my eye - it is getting all better.
You may not have been the first, Alastar, with the 'punny,' but your comment wins the prize. Thank you, my friend.
Apolo for the dumb pun drbj, its tough being in the judicial branch these days.
No 'apolo' necessary, Alastar, it's tough being on any branch these days.
Just make sure you put the patch on the right eye and for heavens sakes don't read too much - oh yeah...I'll stop here! Lol
Oh No...You are Truly the Best Drbj...and so Clever...This was Fun, fun, Fun!
Hey, Kelly, how did you know it was the RIGHT eye?
oooooooooooooooooooooooooh - need I say more? My nephew worships you - I find however, that, I have expanded my masochism quota for the day and must refrain from further puns!
Fun, fun, fun, b.? Then my work is practically done, done, done. After I write ten funny punny puns in all. Or go completely bonkers, whichever comes first. And thanks for the clever, dear.
I got the message, Elle, and I am especially fond of your insightful nephew who appreciates high class literature. That boy will go far. Your masochism quota is now full? Then it's time to start my sadistic sagas. Heh, heh.
.....well I take my epi hat off to you as one of the funniest/and most witty writers ever here at the Hub - just your comments alone to me would guarantee that legendary status - hope all is well with you - winter is on my doorstep up here by lake erie time 5:45pm ontario canada
Hi, Colin, winter is on my doorstep, too. The latest weather report indicates a cold front approaching by the middle of the week. Daytime temps in the 70s and at night, the 60s. Brrrrrrrrr. It's all relative, isn't it?
Thank you for applying that legendary status to me - funniest and wittiest, eh? I could not hope for more! Intend to keep on commenting on your fabulously inventive epigram hubs for as long as you will permit me. :)
Another masterpiece if I may say so. I am definitely going to enjoy reading on.
You may most definitely say so, Jim. I'm tired of being the only one who says that. Please do read on - only 5 more horrendous puns to go. So far.
Truly awesome!Love this series!
Your witty and brilliant poem captured so many minds!! drbj, your ability in writing this type of pun is amazing!
Thank you, Docmo, for the 'truly awesome' and 'loving this series.' I will earnestly endeavor to maintain this superior level of punditry. Promise.
'Witty and brilliant,' lex? You may be my newest BFF. Delighted to amaze you with this series of puns. You might like to peruse one of my famous Interviews with Dead People as well. Start with Genghis Khan - he was the first. Let me know what you think and thank you for the visit.
So many gulls crossing staid boredness
Lion around with ageless porpoise
Agents obsessed with homeland security
Arresting a vet for moral impurity.
sligobay
Now that was good, Gerry. That was really good. So good I probably will take credit for it . . . some day. Thanks for leaving a bit of your wit at this sit, I mean site.
lavender3957 6 months ago
This is so awesome, funny and witty, I loved this. I use to read puns when I was a kid and forgot just how funny they are. Thanks for sharing.