Funny Short Pirate Joke

Swashbuckling bravery is displayed in this joke because I'm going to feature a story about a pirate. No, it's not Johnny Depp of 'Pirates of the Caribbean" nor Errol Flynn of "Captain Blood." It's the most feared buccaneer of them all . . . Captain Graybeard. Read on if you dare!

It was back in the day when pirates sailed the seven seas. This pirate, Captain Graybeard – the names, Blackbeard and Bluebeard, were already taken – was sitting in a shoreside bar having a drink. Just one look at the menacing-looking captain and you knew he had a story to tell. He had a peg leg, a hook instead of a hand, and an eye patch over one eye.

A sailor sitting next to him at the bar started making conversation. “So, Captain, if you don’t mind my asking, how did you happen to get that peg leg?”

Well, I’ll tell ya, matey, we was in a fierce storm one night and I got washed overboard. My crew pulled me back on the ship but not before a F#*!$% shark bit off me leg.”

“That’s terrible,” said the sailor. “so how did you get that hook?”

“We was boarding a merchant ship one day and the fighting was fierce. We was outnumbered but won the battle. Unfortunately, during the fight me hand was cut off.”

“That’s awful. Now you know I have to ask you, how did you get that eye patch? Did that happen in a battle, too?”

“Naw,” said the captain. “It was no battle. It was a seagull what pooped in me eye.”

“That’s unbelievable, captain. You mean to tell me you lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?”

“Aye,” said the captain, “because it was the first day I had me hook.”

Funny Quote

“I got a part as a chorus girl in a show called “Every Sailor” and I had fun doing it. Mother didn't really approve of it, though." --James Cagney

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."