Interview with Proboscis Monkey
82Interview with Proboscis Monkey
“#@^(*#)&!@(*$#!” That’s the message I heard as I clicked on Skype on my computer.
me – Who is this?
Voice – It’s me, Plato, the Proboscis Monkey, and I’m very upset.
me – Please stop cursing, Plato, and I will be happy to listen to you. What’s the problem?
Plato– I just read your “Interview with Hippopotamus” – I’m the one who told Hippolyte to look you up – and now I’m offended. You didn’t do that kind of interview with me. You wrote only a prosaic educational article about Proboscis monkeys in general - “Weird Animals – the Proboscis Monkey.” But you didn’t interview ME!
Note: Just in case you have been living on another planet and do not know, I have the unique supernatural ability to interview animals … and dead people. See “Why Everyone Should Own a Goat or a Cow or a Pig.”
Latest photo of me - Plato
me – I apologize if I have offended you, Plato, but I was not aware I possessed this exceptional, otherworldly skill when I first wrote that “Weird Animal” article. Can I make it up to you with an interview now?
Plato – Yeah, okay, that’s why I called. I want to give you some additional inside information and share some photos from my personal proboscis scrapbook.
me – That’s very kind of you. Fire away.
Plato – Fire away? How can I do that? Monkeys don’t shoot guns – only people do.
me – You got a point there, Plato.
Plato – That’s exactly the point I want to make. We are an endangered species because of people.
Endangered
me – Proboscis monkeys are endangered?
Plato – That’s correct. We are social animals and have a tendency to gather in large groups along the river’s edge at dusk.
Like people at the end of the workday congregating in their favorite neighborhood bar. We just don’t have bar bites and two- for-one specials. (Chuckles like a monkey).
This makes us easy targets for hunters with guns who want our hides - literally. Also, large areas of our native rainforest have been cleared for timber and oil-palm plantations which are Malaysia’s top exports. So we have very few large protected areas because of deforestation.
me – Is that why I seldom see a proboscis monkey in a zoo?
Plato – If you want to see us in our natural habitat, you have to come to the coastal mangrove forests or the lowland rainforest near rivers in Borneo in southeast Asia. There are less than 6,000 of us in Borneo today.
Note: Borneo is the third largest island in the world located north of Australia and is shared by three countries: Malaysia (Sarawak and Sabah), Indonesia (Kalimantan), and Brunei - at the northwest tip of the island.
Pedada trees in mangroves
Plato - Another reason you won't often find us in zoos - we live on a highly specialized diet.
me – Which is … ?
Plato – Mostly leaves. 95% of our diet comes from mangroves and pedada trees. We can only eat young leaves from local trees. We supplement this with seeds and dry fruits, sometimes flowers.
We have a complicated and unique digestive system which is divided into compartments similar to that of a cow.
Because of our leafy diet, the food has to ferment first in our stomach. Bacteria there digest the leaves and neutralize any toxins. That’s why we have such big pot bellies.
me – You do have a surprisingly sizable stomach, Plato. But I don’t think that is your most significant characteristic.
Plato – I know. You are referring to my nose. It is distinctive, doncha think?
me – It may be the largest nose (proboscis) I have ever seen on any animal except the elephant.
Plato – I am proud of my nose – it’s almost seven inches long.
me – Does it ever get in the way when you eat?
Plato – It does hang down over my mouth so I’ve learned to push it out of the way before I start chewing. When I become angry or excited, my nose swells, gets very red and stands out straight from my face. It’s also an alarm system. I make loud honking sounds with it when I sense danger.
Researchers speculate that our large noses also seem to attract the ladies - monkeys, that is. Take it from me, that is not speculation!
Infants have dark blue faces and hands
me – You are also one of the most colorful monkeys I have ever seen.
Plato – There’s an old proboscis saying: “God couldn’t make up her mind what color to make us.” We have red-brown fur on our back. Our chests and tail are cream-colored with a cream collar around our neck and waist.
Our arms and legs are gray with orange fur on our shoulders. We have a cap of dark red fur on our head, and our faces are flesh colored with brown eyes and dark black brows and foreheads.
Here’s one of my latest photos – me and the little woman. Her nickname for me is ‘Gerard.’
me – Because you resemble Gerard Depardieu, the rugged-looking, large-nosed French actor?
Plato – LOL. Yes, that's part of the story. The rest of the nickname is “Gerard the Hard.” I mentioned I would be sharing some personal information.
You may notice in this photo another bizarre feature of the proboscis monkey. The male sexual organ is always in the erect position. Hard to miss since it is bright red.
me – I noticed, of course, but thought it was because you were happy to see me . . . Just kidding. Bad joke.
Plato – Not to worry. I hear it all the time.
Probscis Belly Flop
me – I know that you have partially webbed feet – that must be a great help when you swim.
Plato – We are excellent swimmers and sometimes leap into the river with a dramatic belly flop.
But we are very careful when we swim in the rivers. Many of them are inhabited by large crocodiles. Wanna hear my favorite crocodile joke?
me - Do I have a choice?
Plato - A woman goes into a shoe store and asks, "Do you have any crocodile shoes?"
The salesperson says, "Yes, we do. What size does your crocodile wear?"
Stanley the Star Nosed Mole - front view
Weird Animals
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Star Nosed Mole
Plato – Could I ask a favor of you?
me – After that joke? . . . Of course; what is it?
Plato – Would you say hello to Stanley the Star Nosed Mole? He’s an Internet buddy of mine from across the pond. He says you have met him before.
Star Nosed Mole – Remember me?
me – Stanley, you have a face that is hard to forget.
Stanley – I just wanted to thank you for your advice.
me – Help me out, Stanley. Which advice was that?
Stanley – I had confided my shyness and difficulty communicating with other moles of the female persuasion. You said to forget about my bizarre looks. I think you used the word, atrocious – and to concentrate on improving my personality and sense of humor.
me – I remember. Did that work for you?
Stanley – I’ll say. I have several girlfriends now and the guys like to be with me, too – I’m kind of like the life of the party.
me – Wow, that’s wonderful. I’m delighted for you. How did that all come about?
Stanley – I nosed through (sorry!) a copy of an old joke book and committed several dozen to memory. This is one of my best. … This dyslexic mole walks into a bra . . .
me – Wait a minute, that’s a joke about a dyslexic guy.
Stanley – I know. How about this one? A mole walks into a bar with his buddy, a termite. The termite goes up to the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Me – OK, I give up. You do have a sense of humor. But those jokes are so old!
Stanley – It was an old joke book . . . remember?
me – It was a pleasure chatting with you, Stanley. And Plato, I am happy you contacted me. I will spread the word about the endangered status of proboscis monkeys.
Saya minta maaf kerana tidak mewawancarai anda. I do apologize for not interviewing you.
© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"
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Readers say this book enabled them to write a dynamic resume and cover letter, network effectively, interview professionally, and negotiate assertively. Includes a must-read chapter for older workers.
More about these lovable weird animals
- Weird Animals - the Proboscis Monkey
The nose of the Proboscis monkey measures four to seven inches in length - only the male possesses it. I'm not putting you on nor exaggerating. - Weird Animals - the Star-Nosed Mole
Do you think I look more attractive from this angle? The star-nosed mole (Condylura cristata) is a small, weird-looking semi-aquatic mammal that is found in the wetlands of eastern North America ranging from...
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I have never seen one of these monkeys - I'm sure I would have remembered it! How interesting and wouldn't I just love to visit one in a rainforest in Borneo!
I love you interview technique! So funny how you tell jokes:)!!
Hey I couldn't watch the video either but I thought it was my iPad?
The entire interview kept bringing me back to the days of Jimmy Durante.....cha cha cha cha! Good work! WB
Gerard Depardieu that's funny. You make an interview with a monkey sound better than a interview with a clown - Donald Trump. Voted up
Great stuff! I never miss a drbj interview.
What a lovely comment, Susan - "better than the Discovery Channel." Thank you - that's my goal. And thanks for pusing all those buttons.
The Star Nosed Mole You Tube works for me - do you not live in the U.S.? If you can't get it on Hubpages, go to You Tube and search for "World;s Weirdest Creature: National Geographic." It's worth a look since it shows this bizarre mole in his burrow finding food with his strange nose. Good luck.
Let me know, rh, when you're ready for our safari to Borneo. I would love to see the proboscis monkey up close and personal, too. Plato is a fascinating creature.
Thanks for dropping by and for loving my interview style and corny jokes. Laughter is better than medicine.
If you can't view the mole video, follow the instructions I gave to Susan.
Spot on, Wayne. Plato does resemble Jimmy Durante and Karl Malden, too. Take a look at my hub, "Weird Animals -the Proboscis Monkey" which includes photos of those celebrities and you will see the resemblance. Thanks for moseying by with the kind comments.
Oh, Claire, you are too funny. Love your comment but somehow I don't think Donald Trump would appreciate the comparison. It's okay though - my lips are sealed. Thank you for the up vote.
You never miss a 'drbj interview,' Will? What a coincidence! I try never to miss your Western tales either, pardner.
Good one! I love how colorful these monkeys are. The monkeys I've seen have all been kinda boring.
You picked exactly the right adjective, Lela, to describe the proboscis monkey. They are colorful in so many ways and never, ever boring. Plato would be delighted with your comments.
My, my, what creatures nature hath wroth. No caption needed indeed for these most wonderful creations and your super pics are unique. If it were in my power the Proboscis would never need fear for their hides, except for the laws that nature dictates, watch out for that croc! The interview was most enjoyable too and for some reason made me think of Carroll's 'Through the Looking Glass'- Marvelous drbj.
Your comment, Alastar, made me wonder what did the Creator have in mind when fashioning this unique and rather bizarre monkey? But they are indeed wonderful as you state and it would be devastating to have them vanish.
Thank you for your accolades - especially the 'Looking Glass' comparison. I shall feast on that one for days. Do take a look at my various "Interviews with Dead Celebrities." I would be pleased to get your reactions. Have a marvelous weekend.
Again, a wonderful read with lots of informaiton. You are fantastic. I don't know how you do this. Thank you.
A big pot belly and a nose like that, are you sure it's not beer that's threatening his extinction?
This is really great. Plato is so COLORFUL, Stanley's eating habit was a bit too much, but interesting. I watched all the videos. The animal world is amazing. Your interview was exceptional and very educational. Thank you.
Cheers
Hi! I love your hub.The photos and videos are great. I was laughing all the time especially that with "Gerard" Depardieu.Very informative and interesting hub, indeed. Your interview is very well done and I learned a lot from it. Thanks for sharing.
BJ - For a moment I thought I was looking at Jimmy Durante...but Gerard is a close second. God woman, you are just the funniest yet the most informative person I know. Gotta love a P-monkey with a name like Plato....I've always been a monkey fan because rarely do you see animals (other than humans) who let it all hang out so to speak in almost every situation. Wow is all I can say! Thank goodness they don't allow monkeys at Wal-Mart....or maybe they do.....
Either you, dear drbj, are an animal lover or its your psychology background that has you engendering these critters so endearingly. While reading, I forgot that you weren't actually talking to that sweet, shy, star-nosed mole, Stanley or interviewing the adorable, Probiscis monkey named Plato! You made them real, drbj, and that's no easy task. Bravo! I not only learned a lot of interesting facts, but this read was as much fun as a "barrel of monkeys".
Very informative and written with such finesse!
Thanks for a very interesting introduction to a charming animal.
What a very-very interesting monkey! Almost human, or let me be more specific, they remind me of the male species of Homo sapiens. Oh, and that Star Nosed Mole... what a cutie! Serious, I love reading your hubs, drbj. You have a nose for the most interesting dead and endangered creatures... or they for you. I hope you’ve told Plato all about the dangers of Viagra...
BJ - I had an ex-husband who looked much like Plato! But he wasn't as smart. Once again, you have done it for me. Like chocolate, I just can't get enough of your hubs. Thank you - again and again!
Hi drbj, that is one heck of a nose!!! I agree with just ask Susan, your hubs are better than the discovery channel, a great read thank you.
Thank you, Hanna, for your visit and finding this a wonderful read with lots of information. You just can't believe how open Plato was in sharing all these personal details.
I am 'fantastic?' So are you, m'dear, for recognizing it. Never miss an opening - that's my motto.
Very perceptive, amillar, a sufficient ration of the sudsy stuff could well produce a reddish nose and a potbelly. But Plato and his buddies are still teetotalers the last I heard.
Thank YOU, Ruby, for visiting Plato and Stanley. They are both such hams. Yes, the animal world is amazing and there is so much to learn - especially about the animals that are uncommon and not often seen in captivity.
Happy you enjoyed the videos. Just don't watch Stanley before your own mealtime - you could be adversely affected.
Thank you also for the gracious comments.
Hi, Thelma. Thank you for loving my hub; now I love you. Delighted that you enjoyed Plato and Gerard. I really enjoyed writing about them in between laughing while writing about them.
Happy you learned a lot and the pleasure is all mine. You might also enjoy "Interview with Hippopotamus" and the enchanting videos.
Audrey, m'love, how wonderful to have you stop by and enjoy Plato, Stanley and Gerard. You are spot on with the comparison to Durante. If you look at my hub, "Weird Animals - the Proboscis Monkey," you will see photos of Durante and Karl Malden. Plato resembles them to a large degree.
Love your comments: funniest and most informative are what I strive to be. I can easily understand why monkeys may be some of your favorite people . this one in particular has no qualms about public, shall we say, 'exposure.'
Relative to seeing any at Walmart, I have seen some odd-looking shoppers there but they appeared to be of the human persuasion. Then again, perhaps not.
Thank you, Amy, for your endearing comments. Yes, I am an animal lover - of all species. You paid me the highest compliment, my dear, when you mentioned that while reading you felt that I was really talking to Plato and Stanley. As I write, I begin to believe that I am talking to these imaginary interviewees. Thank you for the Bravo.
Delighted that you learned some interesting facts, and had as much fun as a "barrel of monkeys". Me, too.
I'm too, never heard of it. Thank you for this effort. Nice reading. Thanks again.
How nice to meet you, Cardisa, and thank you for your comment that I "write with such finesse." What a sublime compliment. Delighted you found Plato informative. Take a look at "Interview with Hippopotamus," and you will find Hippolyte just as forthcoming. :)
Plato thanks you, christopher, for calling him charming. He doesn't get described that way very often. And you are very welcome for the introduction. It was entirely my pleasure.
Hi, Martie. So happy you enjoyed reading about Plato and Stanley. So they reminded you of some males you know or knew? Interesting. No names please!
Yes, you are correct, I do believe I have a 'nose' for interesting creatures, alive or dead, human or animal, famous or infamous.
I appreciate your cautionary advice. Viagra is just about the last thing that Plato needs. Thanks for the fun comments, m'luv.
OMG - You had an ex-husband who looked much like Plato, Audrey, but wasn't as smart? I guess it's a good thing that relationship bit the dust.
Thank you for the 'thank yous' but the pleasure, my dear, is all mine. And the comparison to chocolate which I can take it but not leave it, is glorious. :)
Nice to met you, upal19. Thanks for finding Plato and Stanley. Delighted to acquaint you with those two lovable weird animals.
You are very welcome. If you enjoy reading about said weird animals go to my profile page and scroll down - there are 8 other animals you may enjoy reading about.
I agree, Movie Master, Plato does have a remarkably long and unusual nose. Thank you for discovering us and for agreeing with Susan that my hubs are better than the discovery channel. Now that's a comparison to strive for.
Interesting take on what is undoubtedly one of the strangest animals I've ever seen.
Yes, WWW, Plato AND Stanley do qualify for inclusion in the encyclopedia of really strange and weird animals. Thanks for finding them interesting.
Dear drbj, I wanted to clarify my "stupid" sentence regarding my use of the word "real" relative to Plato and Stanley. One of the points of your fantastic piece is to highlight the "reality" of the Probicus monkey and star-nosed mole. I lose myself in your interviews, because your ideas and skills are so perfectly conversational it looks, sounds and feels like a real interview. It is all you that makes me forget that the subject is either gone or incapable of talking to the audience! As a fellow animal lover, this piece was especially winsome as you supplied the critter personalities that made me love them. So, yes, they are real animals, and it is you, most talented drbj, that introduced your lucky readers to them, charmed and entertained us with their antics and colored their personalities with a brush of genius that made us love them. It doesn't get any better than that.
So funny. What a great concept for writing hub pages. Thank you for sharing the interview, the joke, lol and the star nosed mole. That was cool
Tina
videos were great. voted up
Fuhgeddaboudit, Amy. Your sentence was NOT stupid. It was anything but. Your use of the word, 'real,' to describe Plato and Stanley was the ultimate compliment to me. Making them real so they can be informative and entertaining in an interview is my goal.
I do appreciate you and your visits to my hubs and your most engrossing comments. Don't stop. And don't use that 's' word any more to describe anything you write. It just doesn't fit I have spoken. :)
Nice to meet you, Tina. Thank you for enjoying my interview concept, the fun and the videos, and your gracious comments. And the up, too.
Take a look at the 'Interview with Hippopotamus' - it has some very amusing videos, too, about a very clever creature.
Hi DRBJ! My friend, Epigramman, specifically asked me to check out your work and I am glad I did! I am now a follower. Voted up and stuff!!!
Thank you, Dex, I have gratefully returned the favor. Welcome to my sometimes slightly skewed world. We already have a lot in common since Epi is my friend, too.
And thanks for the up and stuff. You are obviously a discriminating reader. :)
I now know more about Proboscis Monkeys than I ever wanted to!! But your interview was very enjoyable, drbj...you do meet some really entertaining characters! :)
Obviously I must be tired.. I thought this was Interview with a promiscuous monkey... but then I got to the part about the male sexual organ and realized it might not be that far off... LOL
Very informative. These monkees are super cute and I love their nose. It makes them unique!
Great hub as usual. Thank you. That is the first bit of porn I've seen on HP. Things are looking up (No pun intended)
Hi, Feline sweetie, wecome to the world of the proboscis monkey. Delighted to supply you with more knowledge than you required about the species. Thanks for enjoying this interview. Yes, you are spot on, I meet wonderfully entertaining folks - like yourself.
Thanks for stopping by. BTW, Plato is interested in meeting you. What should I tell him?
So you thought this was an interview with a 'promiscuous' monkey? Well, barbergirl, you were not far off the mark. a number of exceptional features including his remarkable, lengthy not to be forgotten, very unique nose.
He IS super cute but I'm not going to forward that information. He already has a 'big head.' Thanks for the visit.
I dunno, Twilight Lawns, I'm almost fearful of responding to your comment. Let me just say that porn never entered my or Plato's mind. He just does what comes naturally. Thanks for the gracious comments - you and they are much appreciated.
Thanks for another delightful interview. You never cease to amaze me with your choice of interviewees, although by now they must be lining up! Plato is priceless as is your inimitable humor and style. Also, great advice for any animal who wants to avoid the zoo.
Hi, Hillary, it is you who is priceless, m'luv, with your sublime comments. Thank you. It is my pleasure to try to amaze you with my interiews of unusual subjects.
'Inimitable humor and style'? What a nice thing to say.
drbj...Plato wants to meet me? He obviously nose a good thing when he sees it! :D
You are so right, Feline, and clever, too. Yes, Plato nose a good thing when he SEES it. Watch out that he doesn't SEIZE it.
You always do the best job for all your hubs. Every time I visit your hub, I always find something special. Only you that can make this conversation. Thanks for writing and share with us. Rated up!
Prasetio
Thank you very much drbj. Great report. These creatures are so human-like - "The male sexual organ is always in the erect position." Just like all the men I've known.
I see you've been monkeying around again, not only with the dead but with the living as well. You chose a fine fellow to write about, he's almost human and in some cases better than most. I love monkeys and always have fun with them at the zoos, they look back at me and say you fool, what are you doing outside of these bars...he he...You had me smiling with this one and the pics and videos were perfect, wow you are a talented journalist. Now on with the show and the next great hub of yours...this was perfect.
You are such a sweet, gracious person, pras, that I always look forward to both your hubs and your comments to me.
Thank you for 'finding something special' when you visit me - the feeling is mutual. And thanks for the up.
Good to see you here, Micky. Delighted you enjoyed the proboscis report - he IS very human-like.
Regarding your assertion: 'like all the men you've known,' I cannot reply. It would tend to incriminate me. Heh, heh.
So you're a monkey-lover, too, Ken. I mean that, of course, with the highest regard. They are fun to watch and probably because they do act so much like humans.
I can't begin to thank you but I'll try for the classy comments about this hub, the pics, the videos, and my 'journalistic' ability.
Thanks for finding this 'perfect.' Takes one to know one you know.
...man oh man .... even this guy makes me look cute - lol lol - as always, your interview series, whether it's man or beat, dead or living - is legendary - and as you know I tell EVERYONE about it - big time!!!!!
And from day one, I just sent the same sentiments to HELLO HELLO, you have been one of my most loyal supporters and followers and you have entertained me with some of the funniest wittiest poetic comments ever - lucky me to have you! Life is good at the Hub when you're in it!
lake erie time 5:18pm with heat wave continuing all of this week - I have been a fish in the water, because of it!
I second everything you say about drbj. I also enjoy her hubs, they often put a big smile on my face and she is a perfect interviewer. She should have been Larry King's replacement not that arrogant ass Pears. Witty she is beyond words and loyal to all her followers to. I am often left with the kindest accolade in my hubs and I respect and appreciate her wisdom. I agree life is good at our Hubs when she is in it..Hugs to her and you both from this Saddle monkey.
Have I told you, Colin, how much I appreciate your support and telling everyone about my Interview series of hubs? Well, I do.
It is my pleasure to be your faithful fan as well and it is a high compliment for me to be appreciated for witty poetic comments from the epigram-man himself.
Your epigrams inspire. Do not ever retire!
So I should have been Larry King's replacement, Ken? Now you tell me! What lovely, gracious comments you have left me - I am exceedingly grateful. Humble, No! Grateful, Yes!
Backatcha with the Hugs. You are a very special, encouraging SaddleRider - never a SaddleMonkey.
You know what they say about a monkey with a large proboscis...
Ha, ha, ha, ha, Micky - I've missed you.
You are right, I know what they say but I didn't want to offend Plato.
This is a fascinating and very enjoyable hub, drbj! I loved learning about the proboscis monkey by reading your hub and looking at the photos and the videos. Thank you for the information.
What a delight to see you here, Alicia. Thank you for stopping by and enjoying my 'fascinating' hub. I think we are two of a kind - both engrossed by animals and birds and fish and stuff that are very different but wonderful creatures.
Just Ask Susan Level 8 Commenter 11 months ago
Reading your hubs are better than watching The Discovery Channel. Awesome, funny and I hit useful too only because I enjoyed this so much. What a nose. That star nosed mole is something. I wasn't able to watch the video though on the star nosed mole, all the ones worked though. It says The uploader has not made this video available in your country. Found that kind of strange.