Interview with the Seven Dwarfs

You know the fairy tale of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” right? But little has been written about the personalities of the Seven Dwarfs. I will remedy that right now.

If you read my “Interview with Snow White,” you are aware that her evil stepmother tried to murder her because she was jealous of her beauty. The Seven Dwarfs sheltered Snow and the Handsome Prince rescued and married her, and they lived happily ever after.

But what about the Seven Dwarfs? Did they, too, live happily ever after?

Read on and I will share what I have learned. I was alone in my office as my entire workforce (one part-time employee) had left for the day. The door opened and I looked out over my desk but did not see anyone.

Then I lowered my gaze two feet and there stood seven small men about three feet tall dressed in vintage, little people clothing. Yes, you guessed it. The Seven Dwarfs had paid me a visit.

me – Come in, come in. I have heard a lot about you. It is my pleasure to meet you all in person. Please sit down. What can I do for you?

Doc – I guess I’ll be the spokesdwarf since I’m the oldest.

Grumpy – and the bossiest!

Happy – Come on now, guys, can’t we all just get along?

me – I will be happy to talk with each of you but one at a time. Okay?

Doc – Fair enough. We enjoyed your interview with Snow White and we are aware of your background. It was Snow who recommended that we find you. We all have different issues.

Grumpy – Speak for yourself, John.

Bashful – His name isn’t John. It’s Doc.

me – One at a time, remember?

Doc – Okay. You remember our names, right? I’m Doc and this is Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, and Dopey.

me – So who wants to be first? To explain your problem?

Happy – I’ll be first. I don’t know if it’s a terrible problem. I don’t think it is. Most folks would like to be like me all the time. To have my problem.

me – Which is … ?

Happy – To be happy! And that’s what I am. All the time.

me – Always?

Happy – Always! I’ve never had a bad day. To me, the sun is always shining and there are silver linings on all the fluffy clouds.

me – So the problem is …?

Happy – I make poor choices because I can only see the bright side. Before Jack bought those ‘magic beans’ I offered to buy them first. But Doc explained they were a scam and would not let me buy them.

me – Are you talking about Jack of “Jack and the Beanstalk?”

Happy – If Doc hadn’t interfered I would own the Golden Goose and all those golden eggs. But then again, my buddies might be envious and I would not be happy. So I guess all’s well that ends well.

me – I think I can help you with your problem. I once treated someone like you who was uni-polar. Never became depressed. It seems that you may be wearing rose-colored glasses. Do you own a pair?

Happy – Yes, how did you know? They are my reading glasses but I wear them almost all the time. I keep them in my tunic pocket.

me – Let me exchange them for these reading glasses with clear lenses. And promise to wear them just for reading!

Doc – That was neat how you figured that out. I would like to be next.

me – Fine. And your problem?

Doc – I’m a take-charge kind of guy. A team leader, you might say. A general always leading his height-challenged men. But now that I’m older it’s getting tiring. I think I should be less aggressive and let my fellow dwarfs do more of the leading.

me – Are you really willing to relinquish that power?

Doc – I think I should. My personal doctor, Doctor Oz, says my tendency to always be in the forefront may be affecting my health.

me – Doictor Oz from television?

Doc – No. Doctor Oz, the brother of the Wizard of ...

me – What health issues do you have?

Doc – I don’t seem to get enough sleep even though I'm in bed my usual eight hours.

Sleepy – Funny, I don’t have that problem at all.

Doc – Wait your turn, Sandman. And when I sleep, I am constantly awaking. My sleep is interrupted so I’m tired every morning.

me – Do you snore?

Grumpy – Doc snores so loud every night it makes Zeus, the God of Thunder, jealous.

Doc – It’s never bothered me.

me – That seems to explain your awaking so often. Does your pajama top have a pocket?

Doc – Yep. Why?

me – From now on, every night before you go to sleep put your pajama top on backward and put this tennis ball in it.

Doc – Then I will have to stop sleeping on my back!

me – That’s right! And your snoring should also diminish. Who’s next?

Grumpy – Might as well be me so I can get it over with.

me – And your problem?

Grumpy – Truth is, I don’t have any problem. It’s these other dwarfs who have a problem. They are always singing and dancing and joking and laughing. Gets on my nerves.

me – Just wonderin’ – is Grumpy your given name?

Grumpy – No, my mother named me Marmelade.

Other dwarfs (together) – Marmelade?

Grumpy – Yeah, you wanna make something of it. Put up your dukes and wipe those silly grins off your faces.

me – Actally, Marmelade means something very sweet. Your mother must have been very fond of you..

Grumpy – She was. I was an only dwarf. But the other dwarfs at Zwerg Schule (dwarf school) were always teasing me about my name. Called me Jelly Roll and Jelly Belly – you know how mean kids can sometimes be.

me – So how did you decide to handle that?

Grumpy – I knew only sticks and stones could hurt my bones but names cut me to the quick. So I decided to be stronger and meaner and more aggressive than anyone. I became a grumpy bully.

me – Are you happy being Grumpy nee Marmelade? I have a friend at court and we could easily change your name legally if you wish.

Grumpy – I always wanted to be called Daniel. You know, like Daniel in the Lion’s den. He was strong and smart and people loved him.

me – Then Daniel it shall be.

Sneezy – Can I be (ah choo) next?

me – Absolutely. I think I know your problem.

Sneezy – (sniffling) It’s all too obvious, isn’t it. I hate sneezing and sniffling all day. Look at my nose. It’s always red.

me – I noticed that. Have you ever seen a doctor for help?

Sneezy – There aren’t any specialists in our woods, only a G.P. And his practice is predominately gastroenterology.

me – Gastroenterology? The digestive system?

Sneezy – Yup. Those woods of ours are full of wolves and bears and those bozos will eat anything – even porcupines.

me – How do you eat a porcupine?

Sneezy (ah choo) – Very carefully! Gotcha!

me – You may sneeze a lot my friend, but you haven’t lost your sense of humor. That’s one of the most important faculties to have. You may be allergic to something. Do certain foods make you sneeze and sniffle more?

Sneezy – Not that I know. And I don’t have hay fever either.

me – I noticed you are wearing a sweater. Is it nylon?

Sneezy – No, it’s my favorite sweater – Snow White knitted it for me – from the wool of a sheep.

me – Ah, that may be the answer. Perhaps you are allergic to wool. Put your favorite sweater away and start wearing one of nylon or jersey.

Sneezy – Isn‘t jersey a state? (laughs)

me – Would someone please wake Sleepy.

Sleepy – I’ll have what everyone else is having.

me – I think you nodded off. We are still in my office. What issue would you like to discuss?

Sleepy – Zzzzzzzzzzz!

me – Sleepy! Wake up!

Sleepy – Time to go?

me – We haven’t talked yet.

Sleepy – Sorry. It’s difficult for me to stay awake. Right now I’m seeing spots before my eyes.

me – Have you seen a doctor?

Sleepy – No, just spots! Ha, ha, ha. Sorry. Couldn’t resist it. I once saw a doctor and he said I had narcolep … narkollips … something that makes you sleep a lot.

me – Narcolepsy? Excessive daytime sleepiness?

Sleepy – Zzzzzzzzzzz!

me – Sleepy, try to stay awake. What did the doctor prescribe?

Sleepy – Bed rest! Ha, ha, ha.

me – You are a really funny fellow. Do you take any medication for narcolepsy?

Sleepy – I eat an apple.

me – Does that keep narcolepsy away.

Sleepy – No, but it does keep the doctor away. Ha, ha, ha.

me – I’m going to give you the name and phone number of a physician who you will relate to.

Sleepy – Why?

me – He moonlights at night doing standup at the Comedy Club.

me – Where’s Bashful? Did he leave?

Bashful – I’m right here standing behind Doc.

me – Have you always been an introvert?

Bashful – I beg your pardon.

me – No, it’s not a bad thing. I mean shy and a little withdrawn.

Bashful – I don’t believe in throwing my weight around. My mother used to say if other dwarfs want to get to know you, they will make the effort.

me – Was your mother a strong personality.

Bashful – Strong is an understatement. She taught Teddy Roosevelt to charge uphill. She tutored Margaret Thatcher in 'Iron Lady' skills. I was lucky if I could ever get a word in sideways.

me – Do you want to make any changes to your personality?

Bashful – I don’t want to be the life of the party but I would like to be more at ease with others.

me – are you uncomfortable at social gatherings?

Bashful – If I don’t know anyone I just go stand at the bar. I don’t drink. I just stand there.

me – I understand. One of the first things you can do is learn to be a good listener. We all like to talk to someone who seems to be really listening to us. Who seems to be a friend.

Bashful – I can do that. My problem is thinking of something to say.

me – Ask questions. That should get others talking and you can jump in when you feel comfortable.

Bashful – what kind of questions?

me – About current events but be careful about politics. Or books you read or movies you have seen or want to see.

Dopey – It’s my turn. My turn now. I do not like the name, Dopey.

me – What name would you like?

Dopey – I have not yet made a definitive decision. But I no longer wish to be addressed with the appellation of Dopey. It’s odious and ignominious.

me – I do believe there may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing on the premises.

Dopey – Are you talking to me? Are you talkin’ to ME?

me – I have no desire to insult you but you appear to be the antithesis of your given name.

Dopey – That’s exactly the problem. I was not born with that name. Disney’s denizens needed a fall guy for comic relief. With my smaller than average frame and sometimes silly grin, I was designated IT!

me – What name were you given at birth?

Dopey – Diederich Olivier Penrod III.

me – Aha, that’s where the DOPe came from.

D.O.P. III – And I’m tired of playing the part of a cretin - a moronic fool. Did you know that I possess advanced degrees – a B.S, an M.S., and a Ph.D.?

me – No. In what discipline?

D.O.P. III – Bull Sh*!, More Sh*! and Piled High and Deep.

me – (sighing) Another comedic dwarf! So why did you agree to play that part in the first place?

D.O.P. III – Moolah, Gelt. Big bucks. What else? But I have genuine talent. I plan on taking singing, dancing and acting lessons. No more second banana for me.

me – Sounds like a plan. Perhaps it's time for you to show others the real Dopey - I mean DOPe III.

Doc – We all appreciate your time and your helpful suggestions. Would you like to go to the movies with us? Our treat.

me – What movie are you going to see? “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?”

D.O.P. III – Naw, that's a chick flick. We’re going to see “The Magnificent Seven.” Yul Brynner is one of my favorite actors – he wore his (?) hair like me.. (All seven dwarfs laugh)

Note: If you have difficulty, like me, remembering the names of all seven dwarfs, here is a mnemonic device to help you: two names begin with S (Sleepy, Sneezy), two begin with D (Doc, Dopey) and the other three are emotions (Bashful, Grumpy, Happy).

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author,"Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Readers say this book enabled them to write a dynamic resume and cover letter, network effectively, interview professionally, and negotiate assertively. Includes a must-read chapter for older workers.