Snow White and Her Six Height-Challenged Comrades

I have taken on a new project of setting the record straight regarding fallacious fairy tales we have known since childhood. The Brothers Grimm fairy tale about Snow White was engrossing but substantially false.

Let me give you a quick rundown of the original Grimm version. And grim it is! Snow White is only a baby when her mother dies. Her father, the king, marries again. His second wife is very beautiful but very evil. The king dies.

The new stepmother is so jealous of Snow as she grows up – how jealous is she? – that she orders her huntsman to take her to the forest, murder her and bring back her heart as proof. Argghh!

The huntsman, enamored of Snow’s beauty, has not got the heart to kill her so he leaves her in the forest for wild animals to devour her instead. What a sweetheart! He kills a boar and speaking of hearts, brings the evil Queen the boar’s heart as proof of Snow’s demise. Double Argghh!

The Grimm Brothers wrote that Snow finds the home of the seven dwarfs and moves in with them. The dwarfs spend their days working in a mine deep in the forest searching for precious gems. A mine in the forest?

When the evil Queen discovers where Snow White is hiding, she disguises herself as an old peddler and gives the innocent young maiden a poisoned apple. Snow falls into a deep sleep and is awakened by a handsome prince who just happens to be riding by on his happens-to-be-handsome steed. He takes her to his castle, awakens her with a kiss and they marry and live happily ever after.

That is the Grimm version but I want to share with you the REAL story. Let’s back up to the point in the fairy tale where Snow discovers the homestead of the dwarfs. In today’s politically correct world, they would be labeled instead as height-challenged.

Our heroine is so scared, exhausted and disheartened by her narrow escape that she breaks into the first cabin she finds. Everything is built on a smaller scale: beds, chairs, kitchen, indoor plumbing. She has discovered the home of the six dwarfs. I know you are wondering, “What happened to Dwarf number Seven?” I’ll explain shortly.

As darkness falls, Snow hears the dwarfs singing as they approach their cabin, “Heigh, ho, heigh ho, it’s home from work we go … ” Snow explains to them that her evil stepmother tried to have her killed and the dwarfs immediately offer her a deal.

They are not the neatest guys on the planet and the cabin is a mess. They could use a cook/ housekeeper. If she will stay, they will give her room and board and be her protectors.

Snow notices that her new guardians are almost always in a happy frame of mind, singing and dancing and enjoying life. One day she decides to follow them to their ‘mine’ to see for herself what kind of work they do each day that puts them in such positive spirits. What does she find?

Positive spirits! That’s what she finds! Deep inside the mountain, the six dwarfs have established a technological marvel – a highly sophisticated operation – a giant distillery! They are manufacturing liquor – whiskey, brandy, vodka and rum. Now she understands how the dwarfs got their names.

Doc is the Head Scientist who formulates and monitors the various brands. Grumpy is the Controller always complaining about expenses. Dopey is the C.E.O. who knows it is smart to play it dumb when negotiating.

Sleepy and Happy are the two Inspectors who regularly imbibe and test the product. Sometimes in too dedicated a fashion. And Sneezy, with his sensitive nasal capability, is Supervisor of the Brandy Sniffing division.

Bashful is Dwarf Number Seven who no longer lives at home in the forest now that he has learned to channel his introversion into creativity. His professional name is Basil DeWarf.

He has become the international Marketing Director in charge of marketing and public relations, who travels around the world promoting the products.

Snow White is so fascinated by what she sees and learns, she soon becomes the face of their most popular beverage: Snow Queen Vodka.

What became of the evil Queen? When she learns that Snow White is still the fairest in the land – and the richest – she dies of apoplexy.

And the handsome prince on his handsome steed? They were just figments of Snow’s over-active imagination. Instead, the Huntsman who has secretly been watching over her (he is smitten with her beauty and sweet nature) finally plights his troth. Nah, I don't know what that means either.

Did I mention that he happens to be handsome? Snow marries the man who had spared her life, and they return to her Kingdom where she is now the Queen, and the Huntsman is her prince-consort. The dwarfs continue to manufacture enough positive spirits for the entire kingdom and everyone lives happily ever after … or the nearest equivalent.

• The Brothers Grimm did not name the dwarfs when they first wrote the original “Snow White” tale in 1812.

• Disney’s “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” is the 10th highest grossing movie of all time – when figures are adjusted for inflation – making $1.7 billion in total.

• Disney received an honorary Oscar statuette and seven miniature ones for the movie which were presented to him by 10-year-old Shirley Temple at the 11th Academy Awards in 1939.

• Walt Disney selected the names for Snow White's pals, the Seven Dwarfs, in the 1938 movie. Here are a few of the proposed names he rejected: Burpy, Flabby, Wheezy, Dirty, Awful, Gaspy, Jaunty, Stuffy and Shifty.

Can you Imagine what role models for children those names would have been!

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2015. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."